As reported today in The Borowitz Report in a story titled CHERTOFF LOCKS HIMSELF OUT OF HOMELAND SECURITY HEADQUARTERS Forgets Security Code, Secret Question Homeland Security chief Michael Chertoff suffered another embarrassment today when he accidentally locked himself out of the Homeland Security Department’s headquarters in Washington, D.C. Now, Agent Smart, here is your decoder ring. Never use your decoder ring as an Exxon Mobil gasoline fob. Not pretty. After security guards entrusted with protecting the Homeland Security building complained that the building itself was not secure, Secretary Chertoff ordered that the headquarters be outfitted with a new security system, but then forgot the security code necessary to gain entry. There he is, outside in the cold, rubbing his hands together, alternately blowing into them to warm up, rocking side-to-side on his feet, all with a presentation in the stylings of one waiting for a late bus on a blustery day, on the last cigarette. “Unfortunately, Chertoff is the only one who knew the security code, and he forgot it,” one source said. “He also had a secret question which could be used to retrieve the security code, but he forgot that, too.” Cue the organist. Note the obvious embellishment Continue reading →
